I want to first tell you about a story, a story where a young woman became pregnant after much planning around her life aspirations. She was 30 years young, in a committed marriage with a very loving partner, had her masters degree and a wonderful job. Life was good, and things became even greater when she found out she was pregnant with her first child.
She went to every doctor appointment, followed every precaution, exercised regularly, ate healthily, and glowed from her new baby bump.
As time progressed and her bump grew, the kicks were felt, and the plans were made. Baby shower, baby registry, baby names, nursery decor, baby-moon, birthing plan, you name it–she was all over it.
Everything was going wonderfully as planned, until it wasn’t.
At 25 weeks and 4 days, while grocery shopping, she started feeling a strange pressure in her belly. It turned out she was in preterm labor. She was 2cm dilated at this point.
Every year, an estimated 15 million babies are born preterm (before 37 weeks gestation) and this number is rising…
WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION (WHO)
Immediate attention was given to stop the preterm labor, but to no avail. She had her baby at 26 weeks. There was no rhyme or reason that caused her preterm labor. A rocky 148 day NICU stay ensued filled with uncertainty, procedures, and surgeries.
Shock, denial, fear, sadness, anger, guilt, jealousy, filled the next several days, weeks, months for her.
So many instances of loss and grief overcame her. From the typical pregnancy milestones, giving birth and taking home a healthy baby, to the natural instinct to hold/feed her baby whenever her baby needed–they were all lost.
Parents of infants [in the NICU] experience high levels of distress, including increased anxiety, depression, and trauma symptoms compared to parents of healthy infants.
NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH (NIH)
This woman experienced trauma. She had post-traumatic stress symptoms from what was supposed to be the most joyful occasion in her life.
This woman was also a counselor, and she did not know how to “fix” all the sadness and all the anger. This woman was me.
The hardest part was that there was no reason for this, it was an idiopathic thing. I went to therapy to process the trauma and grief from the birth of my daughter, and it literally saved me.
I am dedicated to use both my personal experiences and professional skills to help others like me. One thing I have learned through all this is that–there is no right or wrong with any of this. What you feel is what you feel. Honoring and giving yourself grace is key to providing the space to process and file these traumatic experiences in a way that allows you to thrive through this.
In both my NICU journey and the aftermath, there have been so many challenging moments–too many to even name them all here, but with the help of support, I was able to get through it and find joy again.
The overall success rate for treating postpartum depression is 80%.
SURGEON GENERAL
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Pierce’s Project is a nonprofit organization in the Greater Charlotte area, whose mission is to serve NICU families before, during, and after their NICU journey.
The entire board is made up of other NICU parents who understand how vital support is during such a critical time. I have been blessed to join their board and serve as the clinical director of the counseling program.
We provide grants to allow NICU families in the Charlotte area to receive mental health support for FREE. This includes individual counseling as well as a virtual support group.
Every NICU journey is different, but you are not alone. Click here to join our virtual support group for NICU families or Click here to apply for a counseling grant.
We offer groups for those who are still in the NICU and those who have been discharged.